So many people talk about postpartum depression these days, and yet the awareness we all hope for is not even remotely close to existing. So how can I begin to imagine that same awareness for those of us who experience postpartum anxiety? Or can I?

Towards the end of my pregnancy I found myself awake at night, thinking and thinking. And thinking some more.

What is going to happen with this baby? Will s/he be okay? Will *I* be okay? Will childbirth go okay? What if my water breaks and my husband isn't home? (It did, but he was home soon after.) Is it going to be like in the movies? (It wasn't.) I think I have to pee again. Do I really have to pee again? So soon? Ugh. I wonder if something is wrong that is making me have to pee or think I have to pee like 900x a night. Is it normal? Is it possible something is the matter with the baby?

Damn, how is he asleep? How can he just lay there and sleep that way? So easily? Damn him. Closed his eyes and rolled over and that's that. It's his baby, too. He's going to have to take care of it. It. Everyone thinks he's a he. But I don't know. Should I know? Shouldn't I know by now, instinctual-ly or something like that? Don't most expectant mothers have dreams that tell them what their babies are going to be and aren't they almost always right? Why haven't I had that dream yet? Well, I guess I should know - I mean I'm NOT asleep. How can I be dreaming up the gender of the baby if I can't even close my eyes and fall ... I think I really do have to pee now. Sigh.

And so it went. Night after night until I suddenly realized I couldn't take much more of it. I wasn't sleeping. And if I did fall asleep and eventually woke up to go to the bathroom I could not fall back to sleep. It would take hours of my mind racing before I was finally able to shut it down. If only for a little while. I was exhausted.

I was a stay-at-home not yet mom, and I was so tired I could barely function. And I was having a healthy pregnancy. A really healthy pregnancy, with no issues at all. What was my problem? I didn't know - but I knew enough to decide that it was time to find out. I called my doctor.

Now, mind you, this was a few months before baby arrived. I was able to monitor my anxiety and manage things with a small dose of prescription medication. It was the right thing at that time for me. After baby was born I was on alert. Would I be exceptionally moody? Uptight? Angry? Overly-hormonal? A friend of mine who had suffered from pretty intense PPD after her second child called regularly. 'You're doing alright?' she would ask.

And my answer was always a resounding 'Yes,' as I felt I was doing alright. In comparison to what I experienced talking to her nightly into the wee hours of the morning during her postpartum experience, I was doing amazingly well. And I loved my baby. I never wanted to put her down. I rarely wanted to step away from her, but did enjoy the R&R provided by having family in town, as I knew that would soon end.

And then family left and headed home. My husband went back to work regularly. And my baby and I? We were home. Alone. Together. With our pets. And that was pretty much it. Holy crap! What now?

My anxiety didn't skyrocket as one would expect. It wasn't a level of heightened anxiousness automatically for me. But man, as soon as she hit that 3 month-mark of colic, reflux or whatever else that was combined, I hit that wall. And as she grew and started rolling and moving some on her own, I started climbing it. The wall - that is. Get her crawling and I was all about upping my meds. The anxieties increased. The nights of not falling asleep multiplied, as I was already a new mom. I was breastfeeding. And I was awake nearly ALL. The. TIME.

I used to joke about my experience being PPD-lite. Meaning I didn't have the mood swings and such that many a PPD mom will reflect on. I even coined the term PPA in my mommies' PPD support group, thinking I was the first to think of it. Ha. What did I know? I was a new mom, ya know?

Obviously I made it through those early days. I found a way to hang in there, to survive. There was so much going on, but having people to talk to - to count on - to listen, that's what made it pass so smoothly. And to remind myself of how strong I was, that helped make it all okay. But the interesting thing to me about postpartum anxiety is that it never really, truly seems to go away. Because - after all - you are ALWAYS postpartum after your child is born. At least that is my perspective, four years+ into motherhood. And so the story continues ... stay tuned.

A common complaint of many mothers is the daily struggle of what to wear. Most mothers express exasperation that they dress too casually, and some say, sloppily. Many mothers do not have the time in their busy schedules to devote to finding appropriate and attractive clothing.
Help can be found with a wardrobe consultant who will review your closet, assist you in determining your clothing needs, provide shopping assistance, and organize your closet.


If you find that you stand in front of your closet full of clothes and have nothing to wear, I recommend that you find someone to watch the children for a half day and devote it to reviewing
the clothing in your closet. Put on some music of your choice and pop open a Diet Coke or have a glass of wine if you're feeling more adventuresome. You'll need to try on everything, unless by sight you find that an item is too worn, stained, or a size that you haven't seen for awhile.

Once you try on the remaining clothing ask yourself the following questions:
1. Does it fit?
2. Does the color suit me?
3. When was the last time I wore this?
4. Does this fit into my current life situation? (i.e. a stay-at-home mom doesn't need a closet full
of power suits);and,
5. Do I like it? (can I run into an old boyfriend and feel attractive?).

Items that don't meet the above criteria can be donated to a charity. Please make sure that the item is in good condition; the rule is to only donate what you would consider buying. Items with tags still attached can be sold on eBay or at a consignment shop. The balance of the items can be
tossed or recycled for your "rag bag."

Most women need the following for a casual winter wardrobe:
1. Jeans in a darker wash;
2. A pair of black pants. The current style recalling Audrey Hepburn looks good on most women
and can be dressed up or down. I recommend that you have several pairs so that when one pair is
in the wash, you have another to wear;
3. A pair of corduroy pants in a boot cut style;
4. A few sweaters in a classic style. I happen to like the J Crew Wesley cable style in the v-neck
so you can layer a blouse or t-shirt under. Plus, they are really soft and wear well;
5. A pair of short boots to wear under your jeans and pants;
6. A pair of flat shoes to wear with your black pants. Try black or an animal print for more style;
7. T-shirts in white and other colors that you like. The Old Navy ones are a terrific value;
8. A sweater coat - a Fair Isle type weave will add pop to your pants and jeans. Also, it doesn't
get that cold in Richmond, and, since we spend most of our days in cars, a heavy coat isn't needed for most days; and,
9. A "real" winter coat for colder days.

That's all you need. I find that the more choices women have, the harder it is to decide what to wear. Pare down and you'll find that you are more confident and ready to face the world!
The best part of the above list is that you can order these by catalog or on the internet. This is my favorite way to shop because I can try the clothing on at my own pace and match them to my existing pieces. No need to drag a 2 and 4 year old through the mall!
Now you need to organize your closet. Take out anything that isn't clothing related. Find a new place for Christmas paper, sport equipment, and toys. When you're doing this it's a great time to streamline your home. Make sure that you are using the same style of hanger; it takes up less rod space. I like the plastic "jewel" style hanger that you find in department stores. You should also buy a few shoe boxes and some baskets to put belts and scarves in. You can get these items at Target for a reasonable price.

Originally posted on RichmondMommies